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 Post subject: Women don't desire sex
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 2:21 pm 
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Mostly A Man. Mostly.

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm
Posts: 5642
Location: Coogee Bay.
It's very clear that women actually get nothing out of sex. They don't enjoy it and they don't desire it, do they?

Of course...

Really?

This was my mindset for the first 22 years of my life and something that still persists today. I still find it very easy to slip back into the mindset that you have to convince women to do you a favour and have sex with you.

This probably stemmed from the fact that when I was younger, women didn't want to have sex with me and that this had to mean that they just didn't want to have sex at all.

Having this mindset led to quite a few issues in my life and changing it opened so many more avenues.

When I believed that women didn't desire sex, it felt like I had nothing to offer them and everything I was doing was to convince them to do me a favour and have sex with me. I felt like I had to trick them into sleeping with me.

When I'm aware that they desire it as much (if not more) than Men, my time with them becomes a beautiful dance; two people working together to create a beauty, intensity, passion, energy, and electricity.

The thing that's had more effect on keeping me out of this mindset has been the little reminders that come up in my world every day, so I thought I'd start a little thread to share those with you guys. If you find ones you'd like to share, please feel free to add them too.


LoGun

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 2:34 pm 
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Mostly A Man. Mostly.

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm
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Location: Coogee Bay.
This is a text conversation that I had with a girl who I've known for a while but nothing's really happened with. She's adorable. She's sunshine and light. All we've ever done is giggled and laughed together. There's been hints that something could happen but nothing's ever really been committed to. Until this...

Me: (After she didn't answer her phone) What a surprise... New year, same old xxxx. I'm on holidays for the next 6 weeks so can you guess what that means? Dole queues! Oh, and I'll have plenty of time for movie nights. I was thinking thursday. You free?

****We were talking about this a few months ago but nothing ever happened****

Her: I'm up the coast for a bit sexy. Miss u tho. And to make matters worse, I'm so horny it kills

Me: Easy there girl! I just said movie night, I didn't mention anything about finger tips gliding over naked skin, hot breath... sweat... panting, panting... over and over again... I was just talking about popcorn, maybe a nice drink, and a fun movie. Geeez... ;-)

Her: Damm that, cause all I've been able to think about is running my tongue over every inch of your body till you're begging to put it in me

Me: Well, it looks like we have an issue then. I guess the only thing to do about this is you're going to have to come over to my place so we can... discuss this... like adults...

Her: Haha. I'll let you know when I get back to Syd. It's still undecided, depends on how much fun we're having here.

-----------

Yeah, women definitely don't desire sex...


LoGun


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 4:53 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:28 pm
Posts: 221
This has been big limiting belief for me too. I always felt guilty wanting to have sex with women as if it were a chore for them or something they were doing as a favor. I guess because its less natural for a women to initiate things, us guys keep looking for the greenest lights to go forward. we assume that women are like us and just go for what they want and if they aren't we think they don't want it.



I've realized with the girl that i'm seeing now that she is more relaxed in being passive about things and letting me do most of the decision making including escalating, when and where to have sex, where to go for dinner, what to do for fun, and most other things most of the time. So guessing what she's thinking is one hell of a tough time.

But we got talking the other night about things and she said some stuff that i found pretty surprising.

The first time she stayed over we fooled around in bed but never had sex. I thought she didn't want to do it then and there for whatever reason. To me it seemed as if she had a desire switch and just turned it off. So we went to sleep.

Later she told me how proud of her self she was for not having sex with me that night and how hard it was to abstain. The main reason she said she didn't was because if i wanted to have sex with her then i'd have to see her again. She was afraid that i'd screw her and leave. I was surprised to hear this because i thought otherwise.



I don't think women want to just have sex like we do, where alot of us will lower our standards just to get our rocks off. I said to her, you really like sex don't you, she said "i like sex with you". I think they desire a great sexual experience rather than a quick release of tension. It's much more important and fulfilling for them to be emotionally or mentally stimulated.


I've also noticed how easily it is to get a woman in the mood. and how much they will do for you when they're all hot and heavy.


Pretty much every time i've felt desire for her and showed it she's succumbs to her own desire and is ready for whatever. i was teasing her once for ages, just stopped and then said lets go for a walk. she thought we were going for a walk to finally have sex. we were walking along the beach and she kept subtly stopping and kissing me but i kept walking. and then she got really pissed off. i thought what's going on here. I didn't get the message: she wanted to get nailed but i didn't catch on for ages because she is really passive she didn't verbalize it. I eventually caught on, teased her a little longer, walked of by myself and then let her have it. But she was actually pissed off or some other weird combination of emotions because she was ready for it and she thought i wasn't going to do it for her.

(I don't think as guys we're as good at picking up body language as women are)


And another time she said, "i've really got to go home now, ive got to get up early in the morning". i started fooling around with her and then said "you want to go home?" She said "that's just not fair"!


Needless to say i've had alot of instances to tell me that girls love sex in the last couple of months and the message is becoming clearer but something that has been ingrained in my head for so long, i think it will take a while for this limiting belief to be fully destroyed, for me anyway.


I'm yet to realize the full extent of how important the sexual realm is for women. There's another world out there when you realize how it really is and i can't wait to explore it further.


I think us men would be alot bolder if we truly realized what women are thinking.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 3:55 am 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 12:55 am
Posts: 484
Peaky wrote:
I think us men would be alot bolder if we truly realized what women are thinking.


haha oh yeah. i am still so bad at picking up womens signals/hints.

i also still have this belief about women not desiring sex too, but i think im getting over it


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:07 pm 
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Mostly A Man. Mostly.

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm
Posts: 5642
Location: Coogee Bay.
Peaky wrote:
Needless to say i've had alot of instances to tell me that girls love sex in the last couple of months and the message is becoming clearer but something that has been ingrained in my head for so long, i think it will take a while for this limiting belief to be fully destroyed, for me anyway.


That's the exact reason why I started this thread. Feel free to add yours in here as well.

Here's another message from a friend who's just coming back from overseas:

Hey you,
what's news?
So was wondering if you might be up for a drive out to the airport on Thursday morning?
In exchange for sexual favors of course
:)
xox

----------------------

Yes, women definitely don't desire sex...


LoGun

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 Post subject: Re: Re:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:38 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2009 11:20 pm
Posts: 144
craven wrote:
haha oh yeah. i am still so bad at picking up womens signals/hints.


I suck at making thesis but I'm pretty sure that at one point you'll have to say "Fuck that" and pickup you own signals and desires instead of hers AKA green lights are overrated and safey* (especially in London)

*safey - the state of playing it safe, e.g. having a rope on a bungee jump

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 9:11 am 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 12:55 am
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yes thats a good point.

often though i think about women i meet just along the way and realise one or two months later when they're long gone that they were basically asking me for sex and i totally missed it. i can be so naive, hehe


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 7:47 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2009 11:20 pm
Posts: 144
craven wrote:
yes thats a good point.

often though i think about women i meet just along the way and realise one or two months later when they're long gone that they were basically asking me for sex and i totally missed it. i can be so naive, hehe


You're saying that's a good point in one line and then saying "But fuck that" in the follow up.

You didn't miss shit. Did you think of her as a potencial sex partner, have you done any movement in that directions, etc, etc.

If you keep hanging on to singals she could be giving you a fucking g blowjob and you would be like "Hm, should I kiss her" since you would be relying on a certain green light.

You didn't "lost" her because you didn't read Undercover sex signals. It's a lot deeper. Think more in a way, how do you express and follow your desires (with females).

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:11 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 12:55 am
Posts: 484
yeah i meant when im talking with chicks im not really looking for signals or green lights which i base my actions on, im just hanging out and talking to them. probably because i dont think of them as potential sex partners, i dont pick up on the fact i could bone em.

like for instance i met this chick who let me stay at her house, it was friday night and we're sitting on her couch, having a drink and shes like 'oh i think im drunk' and i was just thinking 'woah dont get too drunk cause then youll be puking' when in hindsight she was wanting me to bust a move.

i know i need to work on it, i not very good with expressing my desires around females, i need to be more adventurous and think less.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:07 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2009 11:20 pm
Posts: 144
craven wrote:
because i dont think of them as potential sex partners


Why not ? Not sexy enough, not smart enough, not kinky enough ?

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