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Board index : THE LOUNGE : Inner Game Essentials

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 3:51 pm 
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Dr. Phil
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"The supreme ideal does not call for any external aides." - Seneca

"Nothing is valuable that can be taken away... He too carries his valuables intact through cities burnt to ashes, for he is contented with himself." - Seneca

Seneca... the OG of inner game


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 2:15 am 
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Be Powerful Powerhouse
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As we're sitting here waiting in line, I figured I'd post this latest realization I had.

I understand the limitations people put on themselves now, and just how paper thin they really are. Being here at universal seeing these huge roller coasters, my sister made a comment that struck me. She said, "I don't see how C (her friend) can ride these. I can't." Having thought that myself once, before pushing myself to ride coasters, I realized how untrue that was, and how riding one was easy once you were on it. She didn't realize that she could ride one just as easily as her friend, all it took was a few moments of pushing through her fear. Instead, she chose to live with the belief that she can't ride roller coasters, and limit herself from the possibility of experiencing something amazing.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 3:35 am 
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Fresh Fish
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Location: Between London and Hertfordshire, UK
The world is perfect, including my desire to change it.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2012 7:50 am 
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I just found the thread by kinggaruda titled "How to flirt with women?", and the two paragraphs below from that, combined with what Leigh said in another thread (about the point of flirting being to experience a feeling of fun as opposed to a stepping stone to sex) really changed my view on flirting, what it is, and how to do it.

Quote:
When i want to get in a fight with someone, I am not thinking about what to say, my eyes, my body and my tonality will already convey the animosity. I am not worried about saying the wrong stuff because there is no 'wrong stuff' I can say to turn a potential fight into a make-out session. I have the control to push for a fight or back out. So do the other person. If I don't get the fight I want because the other person backs out, it doesn't matter, there is no sense of lose.

Now on to flirting, i feel there are ton of 'wrong things' i can say to come across as being creepy which will spoiled a potential fun conversation. Due to the lack of experience with women, i want to start practicing flirting with waitress and strippers first. Of course, it has to be someone I truly find attractiveness at the moment. Therefore, what would be the mindset here in comparison with 'looking for a fight' mindset? I am trying to take something that I am already good at, and translate into learning something new..


Reading this, and thinking about getting in a fight, it hit me how there is no 'wrong' thing to say if you wanna fight someone, so long as you're not trying to hide your intentions. If you hide your intentions, the other person won't pick up on the fact that you wanna fight them, so they sure as hell won't initiate the fight (unless they'd wanted to fight you too), and if you're hiding your intentions, then chances are neither will you. If you're open about it, then you'll either end up fighting them, or they'll run away. Either way, something happened, and there's no awkward stasis. Now just substitute the word fight for fuck and re-read this last paragraph.

For the longest time I thought of flirting as a stepping stone to sex, and even though I was trying not to get, I didn't even realize that I was still getting. My interactions (once I'd perceived that having sex with her was a likely possibility) were boring and felt forced. I knew that the interactions were supposed to be fun, but they weren't, and none of them ever went anywhere. After realizing this, I'm going to shift my focus on experiencing that light fun tension that I want in my interactions rather than on getting to sex.

_________________
"The cork could stick for a real-life Galt, too. But if it did, he would brush the distraction aside; he would not let it affect his mood or evening. In life one ignores the unimportant." -Ayn Rand, on John Galt uncorking a champagne bottle


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 12:59 am 
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Fresh Fish

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great idea. i realised that its important to be true to yourself and others because if you dont do that you wont get what is truly for you and what would make you truly happy. if you are faking, you will get what suits that fakeness, and that won't please you like things you would get/achieve if you're for real.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 4:28 pm 
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Get in touch with my desires. Go after them.

That's all there is to it.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 3:37 pm 
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I've always thought that in order to live that cool legit life I've been after, I'd have to be doing all these cool crazy things, like taking exotic trips to the Caribbean on my private yacht, skydiving over the Alps, or something crazy that you'd hear the Most Interesting Man in the World doing. I just realized that nothing I can ever do will ever give my life the legitimacy that I seek. That can't be found through activities. I can still do all those amazing things, just like the Most Interesting Man, but my life will be just as weak and powerless, and no closer to that legitimacy that I want.

That legitimacy comes from choosing how I live my life. Not in the sense that I do the activities that I want to (although that's part of it), but that I know what I believe, I trust myself over everybody else, and I take action based on what I know to be right, no matter what other people say. It's just like every story where the one person stands up for someone being picked on and unwittingly becomes the hero (the problem is most people only want to do that to get the approval of others, which dooms them from the start). Even if I do the most mundane things in my life, if I do them knowing that that's what I have to do to create the life I desire, and I do them trusting my sense of right and wrong, then I'll be living that legitimate life I want. It's not about what I do, it's about how and why I do it.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 6:49 am 
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I realised today that women and sex are something fun to do, not to study nor to talk about.

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"85% of any person is crap, but I can enjoy the 10%" me
“You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” Galileo


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:50 am 
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Get Real Graduate

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1. When do you decide that you need to find new friends? Do you disconnect from your old friends completely if their way of thinking no longer align with yours?

I was having a discussion with my sister about why she seemed to be happier with her life than I was despite that I was the one with the job / career, car, living space, stability, education, and she was still trying to figure out what she wants to do in life and is looking for a permanent job.

She thinks that she surrounds herself with better and more friends / people. She says that her friends are people that she genuinely likes and enjoys; they are people that she has something in common with at different levels.

This came up after I started telling her about how I disliked things about one of my closest friends (like how he's a bad listeners; how he is socially awkward at times; how he wants to share stories / experiences about interactions with girls, but when I talk about my experiences, he says things like "where is this story going?")

I've known this guy since 1st year of Uni, so it's been over ten years now. We tell each other the most personal / intimate parts of our lives. I can trust him to "have my back" should I be in a time of need. However, recently I have been realizing that as I continue to grow as an individual, that our views about approach to women, people, and life maybe becoming disparate.

2. How do I know if I'm choosing the right career for me?

The other topic that came up was whether I truly enjoyed what I was doing for my career. Again, my sister doesn't think that I love my job that much. I'd spent many years going through university, graduate school, and now post-graduate training to get where I am. Aspects that I love about my job are: 1) intellectual challenge 2) flexibility to diversify / subspecialize 3) financial stability / high income 4) societal respect 5) giving and helping my clients' lives.

Is it what I occupy myself with thinking about all the time? No. I work long hours (avg. 80 hrs / wk). I work hard when I'm at work. But when I get home, I want to switch off. Grab a nice meal. Play some pool. Go catch a movie. Hang out with friends. But that's normal for most people when they come home from work. But I do think about finding time to pursue other interests (like learning to play golf, learning to ski + snowboard, traveling, working on my lessons at AI, working on my speaking skills at Toastmasters, going to the gym 3x/week)
What I'm saying is that I'm not sure if my job / career is what I truly love, or am I doing it because it's a great job and because I've invested so much time into it already. Hard for me to say that I don't like it. I don't know if I'm just jaded right now because of the long hours that I have to go through in training. I'm not sure if things will change once I finish my training. Nor do I know what is the thing that I really want to do with myself full time 10-20 years down the line. How do I find out whether I'm actually loving what I'm doing?


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:50 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

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Ok, I've learnt a couple of things (especially after reading this thread) so I'm going to bosh them out as separate posts, starting with some short ones.

First: what is the meaning of life? To create meaning.

What is "responsibility"? Your ability to respond (so obvious isn't it?)

"Play" is the experimenting without consequences.

And one that I've learnt from this thread: Why do you want to "get" something? Because you want to be doing something. (again, same core, same desire, but it's the belief that determines whether it's a "getting" or a "doing" mindset.)


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