Attraction Institute Forum

How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.
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Author:  Steven [ Mon Mar 17, 2008 1:20 pm ]
Post subject:  How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.

There is SO MUCH stuff out there dedicated to 'opening'. Especially in bars. Pages upon pages of openers. Its all a bit bewildering.

The ironic thing is, the other thing I see is that men want SIMPLICITY. They want to make things easier, more real and authentic. Less scientific, less theatrical.

So, with that in mind, let's see if we can rid our brains of ten thousand openers and start a conversation with a girl in a cool, fun way - AI style.

But, first things first. And you have probably heard this bit before. If your inner stuff is sorted, it doesn't really matter what you say. It is HOW you say it, rather than the words you use.

So, as a little test of where you're at, if you read the stuff below and think to yourself, "this is rubbish, it would never work", you really should check out the Masculine Core and Purpose sections of this board first. Then come back here.

Here is a transcript of one of our coaching sessions dedicated to "opening".


So, what is the easiest way to approach a girl in a bar or a club?

Well, what do you mean by easiest?

One where I don't need to try to impress her, or memorise some crap stories ...

Or rack your brain with something clever to say right off the bat?

Yeah. But something different to the other dozen "Hi, do you come here often?" type questions she has already heard tonight.

That's an excellent mindset to have. A savvy woman will smell fake manufactured crap from miles away, anyway. So, use that to your advantage.

So, I just say "Hi"?

That's a good place to start. Can you think of anything else you can add to show you don't need lines? Think along the lines of "call it as it is" philosophy that we teach here.

Hmm.. I suppose I could say "Hi. Look, I think this is the part where I'm supposed to say something really clever, but I got to you before it came to me. So I'll just go with a hi for now".

Haha. Brilliant!

Now what?

Well, you already established a frame of a guy who is confident enough in himself to just rock up to a girl without propping himself up with any lines. If she responds positively, how about getting to know this girl?

You mean, go into wide rapport, as we learned in the workshop?

Yesum, and throw in some improv comedy stuff that we learned to spice things up.

But I'm afraid that she won't respond positively.

I really hope she doesn't.

What? What do you mean? You want her to reject me?

Pretty much. This is where you can have a lot of fun. A LOT. Remember, she isn't rejecting you, she just wants to see how you respond to this little challenge she throws at you.

But how can I respond in a positive way to something so negative?

Think back to what humour is. It is created by tension and release. Her negativity just created the tension. If she didn't do that you'd have nothing to release. So, she's doing you a favour by meeting you half way on this one.

Ok, I get it.

So, let's pretend she doesn't respond. Just stares at you blankly, then casts her eyes away. Is this bad?


So, thinking back to improv comedy exercises, has she given you anything here to work with?

A few things. The eyes, the general coldness.

Exactly. That is all material you can use. Throw everything she gives you into the conversation

So, I just tell her that she is cold?

In a cheeky, humorous way, of course.

Something like, "Wow, you're not very friendly!"

And then, can you think of using some stuff in the workshop to bring energy into the conversation?

You mean, something like the "Yes, and..." game?


Ok, how about "Yes! I hate friendly people. It's so good to meet an angry woman for a change. Can you please bark at me?"

Haha. See if that doesn't crack her up. And as soon as she does crack up, you can accuse her of not maintaining the cold act. Tell her you're going to leave if she becomes too friendly.

So what you're saying, basically, is I just walk up to the cute girl and have fun with her.

Exactly. And then be honest with her. If you think she's the kind of girl you would like to get to know then tell her.

Really? But I've been told not to act too interested. It's needy.

There is a huge difference between acting needy and being interested in a charming, masculine way. Try this: after you shoot the shit with her like you just have, look her in the eyes, cut the banter, and tell her exactly how you feel.

Prompt me?

Well, how about "Hey you're fun. And I think you're cute. I'd like to get to know you a bit better. What do you do for fun?"

So the sum total of all your techniques is to be honest and have fun?

There are a few elements to do with projection like kino and body language that we will go through later, but this is more than enough to get you started.

Cool. Well, I'm off to meet some girls!

See ya later!

Author:  Dee [ Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.

really interesting post, Steven. I lolled at this line :wink:

Steven wrote:

"Yes! I hate friendly people. It's so good to meet an angry woman for a change. Can you please bark at me?"

Author:  Steven [ Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.

Credits go to LoGun for that one, I heard him say it once and still chuckle to myself when I think about it.


Author:  Dee [ Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.

Ah ok. I actually 'borrowed' the approach the other day. I IM'd a woman on an online dating site saying... 'hi, how are you?', and she responded back with... 'piss off you are ugly and weird!'. At first i snapped back with stuff like 'wtf is your problem, lady, why are you being so rude?', but after reading this thread i changed tack. She kept replying all week with hostile comments, so i suggested a date down the pub where she could throw barstools at my head for

Perhaps my execution still might needs a lil' honing as she had me 'blocked' soon after, but still, it's a good approach. :lol:

Author:  Nautorious [ Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.

i can vouch for this working. Its like Logun said, they really already know why you're there, so unless they're blatantly told you to "fuck off and leave me alone" (which you could also have fun with) you really have nothing to lose by being direct.

"hi, i was gonna open with a witty comment, but you've heard them all before. I'd tell you that you're adorable, but you look like you already know, and i'd offer to by you a drink, but you already have one... So my name's Nauti, and it was a pleasure almost trying to pick you up"

Author:  LoGun (Leigh) [ Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.

Nautorious wrote:
"fuck off and leave me alone"

Oh come on, that's the best!

"Wow... I almost believed you meant that. You've been practicing, haven't you? I'll tell you what, I'm going to go away and come back again and this time, I want to you do it like you actually mean it! And try not to laugh, it's just going to ruin everything... :wink: "


Author:  Nautorious [ Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to Approach Women in Bars, AI Style.


"wow, you're not very good at this are you :P"

"hrmm i'll give that response some consideration, nah, you're interesting i'd rather stay and talk"

oh dear, now i'm waiting for the day i get that line.

Author:  Jekkle [ Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:41 am ]
Post subject: 

"fuck off and leave me alone"

reply: "Shh, you had me at fuck off"

Author:  LoGun (Leigh) [ Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re:

Jekkle wrote:
"fuck off and leave me alone"

reply: "Shh, you had me at fuck off"

HAHAHAHAHA! I'm definitely stealing that one! What a classic!

Author:  coreyh [ Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:50 pm ]
Post subject: 

great post steven :)

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