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Board index : THE LOUNGE : The Icing On Top.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:43 am 
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Dr. Phil

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:15 pm
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Hey boys,

One problem I had for a while was when trying to start a conversation with a woman she wouldn't be putting much into it and I had to keep trying to keep it going. This was really bad, especially when I had just met her and it was obvious I was trying to keep the conversation going.

But just recently I discovered a technique to make a conversation keep going with a steady flow in a way which she would be the one putting in the effort to keep it going and the conversation will continue effortlessly.

This technique I also use to escalate very quickly (maybe I shoulda put it in the escalation section). I use it at the start of an interaction to quickly go from the initial conversation starter (opener?) to having a pretty deep connection, with her investing in me the whole time. And of course once I have that connection, the world is my oyster.

The way it works is that a conversation is composed of a sequence of many different threads. One thread begins, it has a middle where it is explored, and then it ends. It reaches a conclusion. This is where the problem happens. The end of a thread is typically the end of the conversation. Everything settles down and to keep the conversation going you have to start up an entirely new thread. When you look at a conversation you might have with your friend which goes for ages you will more than likely see that each thread leads to a new thread without properly finishing. The times when you both shut up and the conversation finishes is when the thread finishes and a new one has not been started.

Looking back over all the times I was successfully able to start a conversation going with a woman and effortlessly keep it going, I noticed that I was cutting threads and changing to different threads before each thread finished. No thread ever got to reach its conclusion.

What happens is to begin with, there is no tension. Then a thread is started and a small amount of tension is started and it builds up in the middle of the thread and so then the thread closes and the tension is released. While the tension is there, there is a need to release the tension by closing the thread. One thing I found was that I was always tempted to close the thread to release the tension. But then I found that if I switch to another thread, the tension is never fully released so the woman will continue the conversation to try to release that tension.

Here's an example of how I used it a day or so ago. I was in Olympic Park about to do some gymnastics so on the way I stopped in at a subway outdoor cafe they have there to get a powerade. Now at subway they have the production line of salads which starts at one end and ends with the cookies and the drinks and the cash register at the other end. I went straight to the cash register to get a drink at that end while there were other people lined up at the beginning of the production line. A woman was in front of me and a guy in front of her, so I had a few seconds to talk to her. It went like this.

Me: There is all that salad over there and you are skipping it all to come straight to the cookies.
Her: Oh no, I am just getting a drink.
Me: Are you here for work or are you here for training?
Her: I work here, but I am going home now.

By this time the other guy was done and so she got her two bottles of water and went. But before she left she turned her whole body to face me, got really close and said with a massive grin on her face "See you later, have a good afternoon!"

This is only a small example, but in just a few seconds she was qualifying herself to me and from that point I could have easily taken it into a deep connection if I had a few seconds more. I would have probably done something like:

Me: What do you do for work?
Her: I do X.
Me: Are you satusfied doing that or would you rather be doing something else?

Whatever she answers to that, we would have a connection because she will have to answer it by talking about her goals, hopes, dreams and what sort of person she perceives herself as. Since in just the few seconds I was talking to her she was already giving me energetic responses, there is a good chance she will continue to answer energetically as I lead her into a deeper connection.

Now the thing that happened here was that I started the thread of her just eating cookies and after she qualified herself to me that she was not after the cookies, I felt the temptation to close the thread with something like "Oh well, that's alright then because that is what I am doing too." But that would have ended the conversation and released all the tension of her qualifying to me. So instead I changed the thread to why she was here and so she tried to qualify to me on that thread instead. While I didn't close the thread she kept qualifying to me to try to release the tension. So I changed threads while there was still tension in them.

As I have said in another post, the most important thing here is to do this with a playful but challenging vibe. If you don't have a challenging vibe it will not create enough tension necessary for this to work. The tension is like the fuel which keeps it going (within reason of course. You don't want to scare her away). What I have found is that when you take a challenging vibe, woman respond almost all the time by going into a submissive, qualifying role. Kind of like when you are getting busted by someone.

One thing I used to do was I used to think I had to reward a girl for everything she says or relate to it with my own experience. But doing this would always close the thread. e.g.

Me: What do you do for work?
Her: I am an accountant.
Me: Well it is good that you are using your brains in your work. (reward her)
-or-
Me: Awesome. I have a friend who is an accountant. He loves his job. (relate to her)
-both times end of thread-

Then I would have to start a new thread and I would be trying too hard. It is better to keep challenging her deeper into the thread or onto a new thread before you release the tension of the old one. It can be good to reward her and relate to her, but only after you have kept the tension going for long enough to challenge her to a deeper connection and so when you do finally close the thread she feels the release of tension and it feels really good to her. You also now have a deep connection with her.

This is probably not something you would want to be doing all the time you are with a aoman, but at times when you want to get a eoman to invest in you more and escalate quickly, it will help you do that.

I am not an 'expert' at this technique yet as I have only just recently discovered it, but everytime I have managed to use it, it works like gangbusters.

Use it and enjoy.

Dave.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:06 pm 
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Mostly A Man. Mostly.

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm
Posts: 5642
Location: Coogee Bay.
Wow... so due to the fact that I'm technologically retarded, I've accidently deleted both John's and Tiger's replies to this thread :oops: Sorry guys. I was just trying to move it and it didn't quite work out how I planned.

Once again, sorry. I'll let you be the big spoon next time to make up for it
:wink:

LoGun

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 8:50 pm 
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Arm Chair Therapist
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nice post dave, i'd say it really does work because it builds comfort.

as you mentioned earlier its much like when you alk to a friend. If you ever actually remember this when talking to a friend try back tracking through your convo's and you'll see there is often little or an obscure relationship between the preceeding conversations.

it makes things alot more interesting as well :P

This is very similar to Mystery's multi string theory of converstation. probably one of the more direct and natural things that mystery teaches :P

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 10:49 pm 
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Get Real Graduate
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I find this read really interesting, especially how you said when you talk to your mates you end up changing threads instead of ending the story. I also sometimes struggle with keeping conversations going, but yet sometimes I'm just talking so freely and changing threads without even realising it, i think thats more because of the way i feel at that certain point.

But either way interesting read.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:26 am 
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MasterClass Alumni

Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 12:34 am
Posts: 576
so let me get this straight, you are basically talking about multi threading? and keeping open ended loops..

I typically just speak about whatever is on mind

no linear progression

and a lot of the time its just a matter of association of whats being said, and using that to play off the conversation

what you suggested definitely works.. I just thought it was something we all did naturally

p.s You've convinced me to get subway for lunch, thanks :D

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:03 pm 
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Get Real Graduate
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Jekkle wrote:
what you suggested definitely works.. I just thought it was something we all did naturally

If I naturally did what works, I probably wouldn't be here talking to all you fine people :)

I'm naturally tempted to close loops, that's my nature: I'm a resolver. Even when talking to my mates I tend to stay with one topic until it's done.

I used to always have this need to make it dead clear to a girl that I liked her, through straight-up saying it, with no regard to appropriacy, whether she liked me, creating an awkward situation etc. I thought this was being honest but actually it was just me relieving discomfort by getting things off of my chest. Besides, I can see how it would kill any attraction that could have been.

Cool post, and something I'm definitely going to try.

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