As you might have heard, I got fired a few weeks ago.

Yesterday I went back to have a meeting with the boss who fired me.

"How are you?", she said as we sat down.

"Good. I was blaming you for a bit. Then I became really clear that my failure here was a result of me not being here for the rest of the team..

"I was just here to perform well enough to stay out of trouble with you .. and the rest, well I didn't give a shit about. I'm bringing that lesson into my new job to shift the experience of that workplace - for myself and others. I'm really sorry that I was being that way here."

There was a silence. You could almost feel the layers falling off. Both her and me.

When she spoke again, she revealed more about her personal and work situation than she has to anyone else in that workplace, and beyond what she would want me to reveal here.

It's amazing what taking responsibility for 100% of your failure gives you access to. We're all quick to take responsibility for the "good stuff". But what about the stuff which doesn't feel so nice to deal with?

The interesting thing I found for myself is that not cleaning up my messes just leaves them lingering around, in the background of my conscience - like a pile of decomposing corpses.

And in the long run, it feels more uncomfortable than the temporary feeling of being confronted when I actually step into that space of responsibility.

But going back over my messes offers peace. It also restores respect and creates opportunities. With this ex-boss, for example - after she shared with me what she did, I offered her to come join the team at my new workplace, where I feel she could be much happier.

Not only did we put the firing behind us, but we really got to see that the firing was just a theatre which had to happen, in order for us both to grow and evolve through.

By seeing who we were behind the firing, we developed an immense sense of trust and respect for one another. We got to see each other on a deeper layer; we got to see who we were being, rather than what we were just doing.

I can honestly say I'd love to work with her again. I know that she will hold me responsible for my actions if I fail to. As she knows what I'm committed do, so for her not to hold me responsible is for her to treat me smaller than she knows I am capable of being.

LG.

So what messes have you made in the past that you know could be cleaned up? Share away.


Steven

Thought I'd add that pulling the complete responsibility thing tends to be 'easier' for (or conditioned into?) different people depending on their childhood, at least for me being moderately stereotypically Chinese that sort of thing has always been drilled to the point that there's almost a certain pride/pleasure in saying "Yes, I fucked up, and I will try to improve." I'll avoid any over-enthusiastic psychoanalysis but it's interesting to point out that some cultures seem to enforce it so strongly that their people would admit complete failure as often as you'd say sorry when squeezing past someone in a tight corridor, or at worse even somehow enjoy it like a maniac depressive loves hating himself

Since I like reading your essays I have a few practical/theoretical thoughts/questions.

Who set up this meeting ? What was the given reason ? More info so I can conclude "He was invited to this meeting and then cleaned up his mess. That's nice" or "He set up a meeting to apologize for his actions to an ex employer ? Jedi Knigt cleanup shit".

The thing that really hit me hard was your word. "Good. I was blaming you for a bit. Then I became really clear that my failure here was a result of me not being here for the rest of the team." It's so simple that's it's amazing. I never though about it before but it seems like I have/had an idea that apologizing must be full of fancy words and stuff. Actually, it seems like when having an attitude like that you get a feeling that you need to impress with your honesty firstly and apologize secondly. What was that "Muppets" chapter in Endgame again, hehe. Thanks for this.

p.s. It's football not soccer. Fuck man.

EDIT: My last mess. Disconnecting myself from a good friend who have I also offered some help with his (our actually since I haven't passed that too) studies but all he got during the last month was "The number you have reaced is currently unavailable". Tommorow or the day after is D-Day.

_________________
When I'm skeeted I'd be warcraftin' these bitches

Deck, I'm afraid it was not of the "Jedi Knight clean up shit" caliber.

On the day of my sacking she told me to get in touch if I want to have an exit interview after the dust settles. Plus they also owed me some tips for that week.

Would have I gone there if those two factors weren't there? Probably not. But if it ever happens again, I know which path to take.

Glad to hear you got moved enough to restore the r/l with your mate. Let us know what happens.

Steven

You could wait until next time. Or you could begin by going back to the messes of your past?

Steven

_________________
When I'm skeeted I'd be warcraftin' these bitches